... I... I'm sorry, Rise-san. You have every right to be afraid of me. I tried not to lie to you, but... I didn't tell you the truth, either.
I can't... ask you to forgive me. That weekend where people from home showed up... Kouta showed up, and so did my brother. Kouta forgave me... I think my brother tried to, in his way, though... he blamed himself. But I don't deserve to be forgiven for those kinds of things. When I get home... if by some miracle the world manages to survive... I'll still never be able to make up for what I've done.
[It won't do him any good to try to express how he'd gone mad, or how he'd tried to claw his way back from it. It'd just scare her more.]
I don't expect you to try to continue being my friend. I don't expect you to think that I'm okay to continue talking to. If you never want to speak with me again... I'll miss it, but I have no room to complain about it. I really... do want to become a better person, if I have the chance to. I want to help people rather than hurt them. But... I don't know if I can.
[He smiles a bit sadly, and... no. He can't even pretend that he's not tearing up at this point. His voice is a bit shaky, and it takes him a moment to get the next part out.]
I'm... I'm scared of me, too. I can't guarantee that I won't hurt people again. I haven't hurt anyone here, really, but I might. I'm a dangerous and terrible person, even if I don't want to be. So... it's up to you if you ever want to see me again. You can take as much time to think about it as you want.
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I can't... ask you to forgive me. That weekend where people from home showed up... Kouta showed up, and so did my brother. Kouta forgave me... I think my brother tried to, in his way, though... he blamed himself. But I don't deserve to be forgiven for those kinds of things. When I get home... if by some miracle the world manages to survive... I'll still never be able to make up for what I've done.
[It won't do him any good to try to express how he'd gone mad, or how he'd tried to claw his way back from it. It'd just scare her more.]
I don't expect you to try to continue being my friend. I don't expect you to think that I'm okay to continue talking to. If you never want to speak with me again... I'll miss it, but I have no room to complain about it. I really... do want to become a better person, if I have the chance to. I want to help people rather than hurt them. But... I don't know if I can.
[He smiles a bit sadly, and... no. He can't even pretend that he's not tearing up at this point. His voice is a bit shaky, and it takes him a moment to get the next part out.]
I'm... I'm scared of me, too. I can't guarantee that I won't hurt people again. I haven't hurt anyone here, really, but I might. I'm a dangerous and terrible person, even if I don't want to be. So... it's up to you if you ever want to see me again. You can take as much time to think about it as you want.